eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 5/28/10: Stars & Stripes

Countdown to Memorial Day Weekend: ZERO FUCKING DAYS!

You lazy bastards are probably about to get out of work on your fucking paid half day before a holiday weekend. Well head over to home depot and get some flags! Now that your outdoor area is all ready to go and that grill is warming up, you need to show your true colors: red, white, and fucking blue! Now grab some cocktails and let me know when to come over. The party starts when I arrive.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/27/10: Sit On This

Countdown to Memorial Day Weekend: 1 day!

Now that you have a grill and your garden is sans weeds and full of mulch and petunias, you need a place for all your fucking guests to sit! Here is a killer deal at home depot if you like martha stewart's jaun. I'd only recommend her cause she did hard time. Or check out this steal from target. Or even better grab a bunch of these from lowes!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/26/10: Mulch This

Countdown to Memorial Day Weekend: 2 days!!

Now that you got all the weeds out of your garden, let's plant some flowers and throw in some fucking mulch. You should know how to plant flowers by now, so I'm not fucking getting into it again. When you select which mulch is best for your garden, you'll see that there are many different kinds. There is everything from organic to wood chips to bark to straw mulch. I recommend Scotts mulch products that won't lose their color for a year and will help block your weeds!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/25/10: Weed It Yourself

Countdown to Memorial Day Weekend: 3 days!

If you haven't found the right weed killer spray or you are afraid about hurting mother nature or you don't feel like spending money on that shit, weed the garden yourself! Slap on some sexy gardening gloves and get in there. If the soil is a little moist, it makes it a lot easier to get in there... cue "that's what she said". Make sure you go for the base of the weed. Pull it out slowly so you get all of it right down to the root. If you only pull out the top of the weed, it will be back in days. If you can't grab it all out, take a shovel and dig that bitch out.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/24/10: It's Electric

Countdown to Memorial Day Weekend: 4 days!

We are counting down to memorial day weekend when we can all kick back and relax with some burgers and a fucking keg! Make sure your grill is in good shape since it will be in overdrive this weekend. What grill, you ask? This new fucking electric grill! If you don't have a nice farm for a back yard, you can get an electric grill that works just as well as a real one! It's on sale here at home depot. Don't let your landlord or building manager dictate what you can put on your balcony! Tell them to fuck off and plug this bitch in!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Project of the Weekend 5/21/10: Clean That Pussy

Has it been a while since you've groomed your cat or dog? Save some benjamins and do it your-fucking-self! Believe it or not, dogs aren't the only ones who like baths. Cats do too. Some pussies love to be wet.

1) Fill up a bathtub with warm water. Use enough water so it is just below their belly.

2) Use some pet shampoo and lather them up. Really get in there. It will be like a fucking massage and they'll love you forever. For cats, you can buy an anti-hairball shampoo. It's fucking amazing.

3) Take an empty pitcher and rinse them off with clean water.

4) Wrap them in a towel, sing them a song, and let them the fuck out of the bathroom.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/20/10: Not Just For The Fridge

Got a rancid odor you need to take care of? Did the baby spit up on your couch? Did the cat puke on the rug? Or did someone ralph in your CAR?! Well say good-fucking-bye to the smell with a little baking soda! After you clean up the mess, do a light sprinkling of baking soda on the area. It will neutralize the odor and fucking eliminate it! Leave it overnight and then brush it off or vacuum it up. If the problem is in an enclosed area (your CAR), you can also put an uncovered bowl of 1 cup of white vinegar in there. The vinegar will absorb the odor, too, whores.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/19/10: Strap It On

Planning some out of the country traveling? Well obviously you know not to leave your house without your fucking passport. The key is keeping it with you at all times while you're away. Make sure you buy one of these sexy leather shoulder strap jaunces so you know where your fucking ID is at all times. The last thing you want is to be ready to walk into the airport and you don't have your goddamn passport. It happened to lindsay lohan; it can happen to you.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/17/10: Who Verse? U-Verse

Ok sluts, I hate endorsing products because those fuckers don't give me a dime to do so. However, this is something you all need to know. At&t has their own cable tv called u-verse and I've had it for over 4 months now. You can record up to 4 shows at once, watch them from multiple dvrs in your house, and the menu screens are sexy. What more do you need? Oh, you need some fucking CASH BACK. Well those pricks over at At&t have deals all the fucking time. Like right now if you sign up for tv, internet, and landline, you get $350 cash back. When I signed up it was $400 cash back and it's all in the form of a visa gift card so it's like REAL FUCKING MONEY. And you only need to keep all 3 services for 30 days! If you're in no rush to switch providers, wait stealthily at your laptop for the deal to go up even higher and then BAM you saved a shit load of benjamins.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Project of the Weekend 5/14/10: Prime It Up

We're gonna prime your weekend away! How many fucking little paint spots or smudges do you have on your baseboards and trim? Too fucking many, trust me. It's time to do a little touching up, bitches.

1) Run down to your local hardware store and grab a small paint brush (1" tops), a small container of paint primer, some blue paint tape, and a paint stirrer.

2) Pull out those old sheets you threw in the closet from the last time you painted.

3) Spread those sheets on the floor so you don't fuck up your carpet or hardwood.

4) Use the tape to cover the parts of the wall you don't want to prime. And be fucking exact cause otherwise you will see uneven lines of paint and you'll be all pissed off.

5) Open up the can of primer and stir that bitch for about a minute.

6) Dip your paint brush in about halfway and start covering up those spots.

If the last time you primed your door frame was 17 years ago, then this primer will look really fucking white. So you will have to prime the whole frame, not just do touch-ups. Don't be a pussy... it will be ok.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/13/10: Microchip It

Do you have a dog or a cat? Scared they might run away? Well fucking microchip them! This is a procedure where a vet implants a microchip into your pet with a quick shot! And it's MICRO so they won't even feel it's there! Then if they run away and are found, another vet can scan for the chip and call you to go pick them up. It couldn't be fucking easier. If Joni from eduKayt Episode #8 had done this, whiskers' fate might have turned out differently...

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/12/10: Bag It Up

Heading to the grocery store? Well don't forget your fucking recycling TOTES! Fuck those plastic or brown paper bags for your groceries. These bags are easier on your hands, they hold more shit, they're sexier.... oh and they're good for your mother... NATURE. Some grocery stores are starting to charge for plastic bags so tell them to fuck off and bring in your own totes. Plastic is for pussies.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/11/10: Turn The Lights On

Before you start listening to your favorite Beyonce song Sweet Dreams aka TURN THE LIGHTS ON (yelled frantically) you better stop and listen! Don't turn the fucking lights on just yet!

While watching the eduKayt marathon in the dark on your projector, I know you've been going in and out of the kitchen grabbing donuts, cookies, and vodka bottles. And my guess is that you never washed your hands before turning the fucking lights on!!!! BAM, caughtcha bitch. Do you know how many fucking germs are on your light switch plate?!

Grab one of those sexy clorox wipes and go around your house wiping the shit off of those damn light switch plates. You and your doctor will thank me.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/10/10: Episode #8

The countdown is fucking over! eduKayt Episode #8 is HERE!

Click here to watch it on YouTube or click here to watch it on Funny or Die!

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/9/10: Word To Your Motha

Happy fucking mother's day! The eduKayt MARATHON lights up with Episode #7 starring the Fantasy Football Girl! Kick back and relax with your motha and watch it now! Click here to see it on YouTube or click here to see it on FUNNY OR DIE!

Countdown to Episode #8: T minus 1 fucking day!!!!

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/8/10: Furnace This

The eduKayt MARATHON heats up with Episode #6! eduKayt goes out to the country to teach you sluts about outdoor furnaces! Click here to watch it on YouTube or click here to watch it on FUNNY OR DIE!

Countdown to eduKayt Episode #8: T minus 2 fucking days!

eduKayt's Tip of the Afternoon 5/7/10: Sassy Brazilian

The countdown to eduKayt Episode #8 RAINS ON with sexy Episode #5! eduKayt in a tiny black dress, her golden cheetah, and a sassy Brazilian... what more could you fucking need on this Friday afternoon! Click here to watch it on YouTube or click here to watch it on FUNNY OR DIE!

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/7/10: Highlight This

Listen up, slacker. Did you miss the MARATHON of episodes 1-4? Well check out this fucking highlight reel! Click here to see it on YouTube or click here to see it on FUNNY OR DIE!

Countdown to Episode #8: 3 fucking days!!

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/6/10: Start Eating Some Cows

"You better start eating some cows, cause you're missing things up here." Another famous eduKayt line!

Here's Episode #4 starring a sexy vegan homeowner! Click here to see it on YouTube or click here to see it on FUNNY OR DIE and vote FUNNY, whores!

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/5/10: Cinco De eduKayt

The eduKayt MARATHON rages on with this 5 fucking STAR episode where eduKayt visits a Canadian Homeowner! Click here to watch it on YouTube or click here to watch it on FUNNY OR DIE, and you better vote FUNNY, bitches!

Countdown to eduKayt Episode #8: T minus 5 Days!

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/4/10: It's All About The Benjamins

The eduKayt MARATHON continues! The berating never fucking ends when I go back to Julia's to collect my benjamins. Click here for the FUNNY OR DIE link or click here for the YOUTUBE link!

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 5/3/10: Back To The Basics

Let's get back to the basics with eduKayt Episode #1! This week we're having a fucking eduKayt MARATHON to kick off the premiere of eduKayt Episode #8! Click here to see it on YouTube or click here to see it on Funny Or Die, bitches!