eduKayt Episode #5

Episode #5 is LIVE! Double click to see it on YouTube!

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/23/09: Happy Fucking Holidays!

Listen up, bitches. Reach for the tissues cause I'm going out of town to shoot the EDUKAYT ON LOCATION episode. So while I'm gone, I hope you have a fucking fabulous christmas, hanukah, kwanzaa, edukaytkah, and new year! Don't forget to give your friends and family homemade gifts, and steal food/booze from every party you go to!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/22/09: The Early Bird Catches the PLANE!

3 days till Christmas and we have winter storms all over the fucking country. So if you're traveling, chances are you'll be slammed with goddamn airport delays. Make sure you get to the airport EARLY... like 2 hours EARLY. Otherwise, you might not make it cause everyone and their mom is gonna be there. Check in online 24 hours before your flight from hell cause this can save you time too. And we all know: time is benjamins.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/21/09: Homemade Gifts

We're in a recession, whores, so don't go to the fucking mall this year. Stay home and make some "HOMEMADE" gifts "FROM THE HEART"! Here are some of my favorite ideas:

1) Go to your local supermarket and grab your favorite jam. When you get home, empty it into a plain glass jar, tie a ribbon around the top, and slap a stick on it saying "from the kitchen of: eduKayt (or your name)". Everyone will think you're fucking amazing! They will be dying for your jam recipe and will never know you spent less than $5!!

2) Peel off the label/sticker from a candle you already have in your house. Wrap it up and give it to that special someone! Even if it's halfway burned, just say you ran out of HOMEMADE wax! They will be so fucking impressed that you made them a candle, they won't care if it's used!

3) Print out a photo of a homeless/sick child from a third world country. Stick the photo in a card with a note saying "In lieu of a gift, I donated money to send Pablo to school for 1 whole year!" They will be tickled fucking pink that you are so caring and thoughtful!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 12/18/09: Holiday Party Tips

It's holiday party time! And now is the best time of the year to save money on groceries! When you go to your lame-ass holiday parties this weekend, bring a LARGE PURSE and a few fucking napkins. Then, throughout the night, grab food, wrap it up, and SHOVE IT IN YOUR FUCKING PURSE! You will save a shitload of benjamins on groceries, and remember the holiday season is about giving. So let someone give you fucking food! If you're really ambitious, bring a few waterbottles and fill them up with free booze from your fucking hosts!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/17/09: FREE Cyber Sex----I Mean SHIPPING!

Thought that headline might wake you the fuck up! Today is FREE CYBER SHIPPING DAY! Hundreds of retailers are giving free shipping today for anything you buy online! So get out those fucking visas and start shopping like it's SUPERMARKET SWEEP, bitches!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/16/09: Goodwill That Shit

Got a bunch of old/semi-salvageable shit lying around? Take it to the Goodwill! Those bastards will take anything! Gather it all up now: your old clothes, electronics, computers, shoes, books, goldfish... and take it to Goodwill before the end of the year for a fucking TAX WRITE OFF! That's right! You can get rid of your old shit and in exchange get some new benjamins!!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/15/09: What's the Score?

Did you know you can get a FREE credit report EVERY FUCKING YEAR? Go to annualcreditreport.com and you can get a free credit report ONCE A YEAR, slut. It's a good idea to look at your report in case there are disputes you need to clear up with judge judy. Trust me: pull up your credit report now cause after the holidays, your fucking score will go down faster than mr. tiger's mistresses. Why? All those bills you'll rack up sending me golden cheetahs for christmas.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/14/09: Winter Temp Check

Here we are in another fucking freezing winter and people are still CLIMBING MOUNTAINS. First of all, if it's below freezing outside, RUN THE FUCK BACK INSIDE. Second of all, if you do decide to go mountain climbing, bring a goddamn helicopter with you. Cause if shit starts tumbling down toward you, you need to get the fuck outta there FAST. Third of fucking all, if you HAVE to go mountain climbing, do it in the summer. Or just come over my house and I'll satisfy your bitchin sense of adventure.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 12/12/09: Wrench It Out

You never know when you might need a nice, big WRENCH. This morning I was fixing my fucking kitchen sink and I need a nice, big WRENCH and I couldn't fucking find it. I think one of those goddamn monkeys ran off with it. So now I gotta go buy a nice, big WRENCH. Make sure you got one laying around because you never know when you might fucking need it.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/10/09: Take a Ride on the Amazon

It's holiday shopping time, bitches! If you want good fucking deals under one fucking VIRTUAL roof, go to amazon.com. Most of the shit they have on their website is FREE SHIPPING if you spend $25 or more. And let's fucking face it, Grandma's scarf and Billy's underoos cost more than that.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/9/09: Chain Me Up

Apparently it's fucking snowing all over the goddamn world right now. Do you have your snow tires on?!!! Now is the time to replace those shitty michelins with brand new snow tires and CHAINS. No car is a real car without CHAINS. Slap them on so you don't slide around on the ice like bambi.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/8/09: Benjamins for Caulkers

Who wants $12K.... I mean 12-fucking-thousand-benjamins?! Well I fucking do. Master in Chief Obama is trying to pass some new law that means you can get up to $12 Gs for upgrading your fucking shitty house. If you install energy-efficient appliances and insulation (in honor of Al Fucking Gore) then you could get up to $12,000. HOLLA! Start installing that shit now, sluts, and you might get a check from Mr. White House himself.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/7/09: It's Raining Car Washes

To all my Los Angeles whores, IT'S FUCKING RAINING OUTSIDE! So go park your car on the street and let it rain, bitches. There's nothing better than a free car wash... well except maybe golden cheetahs. To all my east coast whores, GO GET YOUR FUCKING CAR WASHED. I hear there's snow all over the fucking place and after 2 days that shit gets old and black. Clean it up.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 12/4/09: Show Me Your Dirty Laundry

Having an affair? Well nowadays everyone is, so I assume you fucking are. Let's all learn something from mr. tiger. Don't leave your fucking mistress voicemails, emails, or anything else traceable unless you want to get caught! If you really want to have an affair, do it the right fucking way. Whisper all your goddamn sweet nothings behind closed doors sans recording devices. You can get away with this, I can help.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/2/09: Get Your Cartridges in Order

Next time you click "print", fucking think about it. How much ink is left in that little bastard cartridge? The last thing you fucking need is to be on your way to a meeting and you go to print that huge report and there's no ink. Unless you keep octopuses on hand, stock up on some extra print cartridges for emergencies. Bada bing, bada boom.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 12/1/09: Power Up Your Smoke Detector

When's the last time you changed the batteries in your fucking smoke detectors? That's what I thought! Get that fucking ladder out and slap in some new batteries. So when the place starts smoking, you'll know! And make sure they're Duracell batteries. Those Energizer bunnies are for pussies.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/30/09: Cyber Fucking Monday!!

It's Cyber Fucking Monday, bitches!! For those of you living in caves, that means today is the day to get KILLER DEALS ONLINE. You still have a few hours left so get out your fucking credit cards and start clicking! I just found some discounted cheetahs from the goddamn zoo. What's better than golden cheetahs? LIVE cheetahs.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt Episode #4

Episode #4 is LIVE! eduKayt gets an emergency call to repair a TOILET! Double click to see it on YouTube!

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 11/27/09: Start Hitting the Mall

It's that time of year again! Holiday fucking shopping time! Today is black fucking friday and if you haven't gotten your sexy ass out to the mall yet, GO NOW. Just as a reminder, we're in a recession, whores. So stores are trying to make as many benjamins as they can. That means KILLER DEALS. Get out now and cross me off your fucking holiday shopping list. I need more golden cheetahs.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/25/09: Slap That Face Mask On

Who's traveling for Thanksgiving? Well if you're planning on going on a fucking airplane, don't forget one essential ingredient. YOUR FACE MASK. That's right, bitches. These sexy masks aren't just for dentists anymore. Make sure you grab a fucking face mask at your local pharmacy or hardware store before boarding that fucking aircraft. Otherwise, you might end up with turkey and a side of SWINE.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/23/09: Don't Cut in Line

Listen up all you LINE CUTTERS: fucking STOP. Choosing which line to go in at the end of your walmart, target, or department store experience is a difficult one. And once you choose a line, the last thing you want is FUCKING WHORES trying to cut in front of you. So, to all those FUCKING WHORES: STOP CUTTING. We don't appreciate it. Wait your turn, just like everybody else, you sluts. The next time someone tries cutting in front of me, THEY'RE GONNA GET CUT.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 11/20/09: Turkey Baste That Shit

Time to get ready for fucking Thanksgiving, bitches! Start getting supplies now: like a TURKEY BASTER. No turkey is complete without a full basting so grab your goddamn keys and go buy yourself a fucking turkey baster NOW! If you happen to live in an area heavily populated by LESBIANS, the turkey basters might be on backorder. SO GO RESERVE YOURS TODAY!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/19/09: Vehicle Registration

Is your vehicle registration up to date? Well, John Kerry's daughter forgot to fucking update hers and the bitch got pulled over. Listen up: we are in a fucking recession. The cops are DESPERATE. They will pull your ass over for going 5 mph over the fucking speed limit. So if your registration is expired, you better believe they will fucking arrest you. Go update that shit or enjoy spending the night in the clink.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/18/09: Change it Up

It's time to change your fucking passwords! If you haven't changed your computer passwords recently, DO IT NOW. Change your password on your computer log in, your email, and all those porn websites you subscribe to. Unless you want your twitter hacked like Britney, make sure all your fucking passwords are different. And make sure you don't use the top 2 most commonly used passwords: edukayt and sex.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/17/09: Fly Away Home

Traveling for the holidays? Now is the fucking time to snatch up those amazing deals on plane tickets. You can use my personal favorite pinpointtravel.com and southwest never fucking hurt anybody. They have amazing deals and there is no bullshit baggage fee, which is fucking priceless. So start booking travel now for great deals or kiss the deals goodbye.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/16/09: Dessert or Disaster?

What we gonna have... dessert or disaster? Well, if you take a pyrex baking dish out of the hot fucking oven and place it on a glass table top, WE'RE GONNA HAVE DISASTER. Listen up young bucks: If you have a glass table top, put a goddamn pot holder underneath that piping hot baking dish. If you don't, the hot as balls pyrex dish will LITERALLY MELT the glass table top. And it will fucking break. And it will fall on the fucking floor. And there will be pieces of hot glass every-fucking-where. And if you're renting a vacation house and this happens there, you will lose your fucking deposit. Just saying.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 11/13/09: Road Trip

Going out of town this weekend? Well, before you do make sure you get your fucking car serviced. You don't want to end up half way to Vegas with your engine all fucked up. And stock up on those travel size shampoo and body wash containers. They always come in handy. I'm on my way to Vegas for the fight weekend. Peace bitches.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/12/09: The Colder the Better

Next time you throw that load of laundry in the washer, turn the fucking dial to COLD. Washing your clothes in cold water saves a shit load of money and it may or may not help the environment. But honestly, who gives a fuck about the environment when you can be saving benjamins. And only do laundry when you have a full load... otherwise it's like throwing your wallet down the fucking drain.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/11/09: Suck it Up

When was the last time you changed your vacuum filter? That's what I fucking thought. The one thing you want in your life that really sucks is your vacuum cleaner. And if you don't change the goddamn filter, IT WON'T. So go buy a new filter at target or walmart or amazon.com for all I fucking care. Just do it.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt Episode #3

Episode #3 is finally here! Double click to see it on YouTube!!

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 11/6/09: Always Be Fucking Prepared

It's that time of year, sluts. Time to put that fucking ice scraper / umbrella in your trunk. Depending on where you live, it's cold as fuck out there and we're approaching WINTER time. So for my east coasters, get that ice scraper in the back of your car now. For my Angelinos, throw that umbrella in your car. Follow my motto: always be fucking prepared. I'm like a goddamn girl scout.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/5/09: Close Your Damn Curtains

Now that it gets dark so damn early, start closing your fucking curtains when the sun goes down. This will keep the hot air inside your place so it doesn't leak out your fucking windows. You might even save some benjamins on your heating bill this year, bitch.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/4/09: Voting is Sexy

It's fucking election day! Ok, not for anything huge like the fucking presidency, but nonetheless, now is the time to register to vote. Have you changed your address recently? Switched over from the dark side to the DEMOCRATIC party? Either way, make sure you're registered to vote. And when the polls open, get your ass out and pull that lever.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/3/09: Clean Yourself Up, You're Under Arrest

I've seen a lot of fucking cops prowling around lately. This whole goddamn country is poor as shit, and the pigs are getting desperate. You better start watching that speedometer and ease off that gas pedal, or you'll be sorry bitch. If you go 5 mph over the speed limit, be prepared to get arrested. And I mean prepared.... touch up your make-up, brush your hair, and pop some gum in your mouth so you don't end up looking like this whore.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 11/2/09: Better to be Fresh than Stale

Tis the season to slap some new baking soda in your fridge and freezer. Don't let your food start smelling like shit. Just grab two of these sexy containers, open them, and throw one in your fridge and one in your fucking freezer. All of a sudden, your food will smell de-fucking-licious. Enjoy!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 10/31/09: Nothing is for Free

Happy Fucking Halloween! So you got some annoying little brats coming to knock on your door in a few hours. It's game time. When they come asking "trick or treat", ask them a question: "HOW MANY BENJAMINS YOU GONNA GIVE ME FOR THAT TWIX BAR?" Brats gotta learn right fucking now that NOTHING IS FOR FREE. There's no such thing as a free lunch or free candy. We're in a goddamn recession for christs sake.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 10/29/09: Trick or Cheap

Guess what bitches? Halloween is in 2 fucking days and you don't want to end up looking like these fucking douchebags. Now listen up: you don't have to go spend a shit load of benjamins on a costume either. Check out your local vintage store, dollar store, or try making your own costume using items from around the house. Last year I went as Bob Vila wearing a tool belt, wife beater, a little "just for men touch of gray", and not much else.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 10/28/09: Slow Down Before You Go Down

Have you noticed any cameras at RED LIGHTS lately? They're popping up all over the fucking place. And when you get caught, you get a SEXY photo of yourself mailed to your house along with an UNSEXY fine. Big Brother is charging hundreds of fucking dollars for taking your slutty photo! That's 10x more than I charge down at Hollywood and Highland. So, slow the fuck down or smile for a picture that'll be worth a thousand fucking bucks.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 10/27/09: Get Your Mind in the Gutter

Own a home? When was the last time you cleaned out your gutters? Well, today in Los Angeles, it's windy as hell and leaves are blowing all over the fucking place. You better get on a sexy ladder and clean out your goddamn gutters NOW. Strap on some bitchin' yellow gloves and GET THE FUCK IN THERE.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 10/26/09: Always Use Protection

Are you protected against HACKERS and TROJANS? Now is the fucking time to make sure your computer has anti-virus and anti-spyware protection against probing whores who are trying to fuck up your life and steal your precious identity. Suit it up before you boot it up, bitches.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Sneak Peek: Episode #3

Episode #3 is underway! Hold on to your screwdrivers and stay tuned!

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 10/23/09: Shoot 'em Up

Have you gotten your flu shot yet this year? Well guess what, IT'S FUCKING TIME. Apparently this year we have the cops spreading flus and god knows what else. Damn those pigs. So get your goddamn flu shot already.... you can even get them at fucking grocery stores now, so you can rake in some Ralph points while you're getting pricked.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 10/21/09: Tit for Tat

Planning on getting some INK? Well think long and hard cause that shit is 4 EVA. Unless you're getting "eduKayt" with a heart around it or anything Judge Judy related, make sure you know what you're fucking doing. Don't get tats when you're drunk or high cause you might end up with the home depot logo on your thigh.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 10/20/09: Foam It Up

Got a clogged sink? Or a slow moving drain? Grab some Drano Dual Force FOAMER cause two is always better than one! I picked some up today and this shit is fucking AMAZING! Don't waste your time with Liquid Plumr... that shit is for pussies. Drano is the only product I trust.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 10/19/09: Check Under That Hood

When was the last time you got your oil changed? If the answer starts with "Um..." then get your fucking ass down to Pep Boys or the dealer and get this taken care of! You should get your oil changed every 3,000 - 5,000 miles, depending on how often you drive, road conditions, etc.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

Liza loves eduKayt

Liza Minnelli is following me on twitter! Are you?! http://twitter.com/eduKayt

eduKayt Episode #2

Wait no longer! Here is Episode #2! Double click to see it on YouTube and FULL SCREEN!

eduKayt Episode #2

eduKayt Episode #2 is COMING SOON! So keep your tool belts on and stay tuned....

eduKayt Episode #1

Double click on the video so you can watch it in a larger window or FULL SCREEN on YouTube!

Stay tuned for Episode #1 coming soon!