eduKayt's Tip of the Day 2/17/10: Check That Statement!

Listen up, bitches. Starting next week (or even sooner), credit card companies will start releasing different statements. And they'll make you want to fucking cry! But it will be a good kind of cry like when you're watching lions eat gazelles and shit. New laws were passed forcing credit card companies to do the following:

1) Write everything in a normal FONT size! What will you do with all those fucking magnifying glasses?!

2) Interest charges should be highlighted, not BURIED!

3) Now near the "minimum payment" amount, you will also see the length of time it will take you to pay off your fucking card if you only pay the minimum! We all know ALWAYS PAY MORE THAN THE MINIMUM! Or those fuckers will own you for life! Well now it will say exactly how many months it will take to pay off your card at certain rates! THAT'S THE CRYING PART!

Let these things motivate the fuck out of you and start paying that shit off.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 2/16/10: FAT Tuesday!

Happy fucking Mardi Gras, bitches! Today is the day to eat a shitload of food, drink tons of alcohol, and FLASH everyone you know! How are you gonna do this if you're at work?! You're gonna call out sick, that's how! Follow these easy steps:

1) Call your boss and make sure you are coughing throughout 75% of the conversation.

2) Say you have a "stomach flu" or better yet, food poisoning from that crazy new sushi place you tried last night!

3) If you're already at work, go to the bathroom NOW and when you come back say you just got sick and you better get home NOW or it might happen again! A 24 hour bug solves everything!

Go get your drink on! You better have a collection of beads around your neck by the end of the day!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 2/12/10: Happy V-Day!

Happy fucking Valentine's Day, whores! The big V-Day is here on Sunday and what are you going to do?! Here are some life-saving tips to help you survive the weekend:

1) Go to the fucking dollar store! You wouldn't believe the amazing shit they have in there that doesn't look like it costs a dollar, BUT IT DOES! You can get candy, cards, stuffed animals, and probably even some personal lubricants for only ONE DOLLAR!

2) Take your sweetheart out to dinner... AT MCDONALDS! They have a fucking dollar menu! Just tell him/her that you are saving up for your life together and/or that huge engagement ring! He/she will be so happy that you're thinking ahead into the future! But actually, you will be thinking about only one thing... step #3...

3) Dump that bitch! V-Day is so fucking expensive that you're better off single! Dump your significant other and head down to the bar where single girls/guys will be so wasted and lonely that they will fucking throw themselves at YOU!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 2/15/10: Buckle Up!

You might think this is pretty obvious, but there are still people out there who don't wear their fucking seat belts! If you don't have your seat belt on and you get into an accident you are a MILLION times more likely to be thrown from the vehicle or at least tossed the fuck around. So, please, BUCKLE UP! It will save your LIFE and save your WALLET! We all know... click it or ticket! And those pigs are getting desperate and will have no qualms about writing you a huge ticket for not having your sexy seat belt on!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 2/11/10: Save Your Miles!

When was the last time you checked the status of your airline miles? EXACTLY. Go look that shit up pronto because they could be about to EXPIRE! Once again, we're in a fucking recession, sluts. So that means everyone is trying to stretch their benjamins, including the airlines. They don't want to give you free miles! They want to steal them! Make sure your accumulated miles aren't in jeopardy of expiring. And if they are, fucking CALL ME. I'll give you the trip of your life.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 2/10/10: Shovel This!

Since the entire east coast is covered in a snowpocalypse, you should know how to fucking shovel! There's a right way and there's a wrong way... and the wrong way will land you in the fucking ER.

1) STAY WARM: Keep warm inside and even do some fucking yoga or stretches before you go out and shovel so your muscles are ready to go.

2) LOOK SEXY: Make sure you put on some knee-high sexy boots with TRACTION so you don't fall on your ass... and a good coat would help.

3) BE FLEXIBLE: Bend your knees when you shovel... think of it like squats at the gym. This will take strain off your back.

4) CALM DOWN: Don't plan on shoveling your whole fucking neighborhood at once. Shovel a little section, then go back inside and drink some warm baileys.

5) PAIN = NO GAIN: If your back or left arm start hurting, STOP! You could have fucked up your back or you could be in the middle of a heart attack! Get on your snowmobile and head to the ER!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 2/9/10: CLR!

The entire country is covered in either SNOW or RAIN right about now. Guess what that means? There's going to be rust fucking everywhere! If you have rust around the shower or sink, pour some CLR on it and watch it DISAPPEAR! CLR is tough as fucking nails and will take care of your calcium, lime, or rust! Pour it on everything and watch it SPARKLE!

Consider yourself eduKayted.