eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/31/10: Show Me Your Energy

Do you still have those energy-sucking shitty light bulbs in your house? Well get your ass home and install all new energy-SAVING ones now! If every fucking house in the US replaced only one of their light bulbs with an energy fluorescent one, it would be the equivalent of taking 7.5 million cars off the road. WHAT?!!

But screw the environment and let's talk about your benjamins. For the life of the light bulb you can save $30 in energy costs. And that is only for ONE light bulb AND it will last 10x longer!!! So go home and replace all your bulbs tonight.

How many broads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Me.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/30/10: 30 Days

Let the countdown begin! You only have 30 days left to buy a house in order to get the fucking awesome tax credit! If you've been looking and have found "the one" or even "the closest one" then fucking buy it! If you want to get loads of cash for free from uncle sam, don't miss out on this!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/29/10: Screw Ralph

I love Ralph Lauren. I love his glasses, clothes, comforters... and I used to love his paint. I loved it until I went into Home Depot last friday night and they fucking discontinued his line! What the fuck?! Who does that????? AND to top it all off, they replaced it with Martha Fucking Stewart! If she was still in jail it might be cool, but that shit's over with!

I've now moved on to Benjamin Moore. Benny makes some amazing paint and my favorite thing is you can buy a tiny sample container so you can test your wall and see which color you like best. Samples are only $3.99 and they're totally worth it.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Project of the Weekend 3/26/10: Pretty In Paint

This weekend, we're going to PAINT! That's fucking right! Tackle that spare bedroom you've been wanting to paint or touch up your trim! Here are some things you'll need:

1) Old sheets - Lay these on the floor to protect your carpet or hardwood floors. Sheets will soak up the paint unlike plastic.

2) Paint tape - Grab that blue tape at your local hardware store and line the edges of the room with it. Or you can buy an edger but let's stick with the old fucking fashioned way.

3) Spackle - Fill in any holes with some putty that you can find at the hardware store. Get a small tube of it and fill those puppies in and wait a few hours for it to dry.

4) Primer - Depending on the existing color of your walls, make sure you prime them before applying the new color.

5) Rollers - Get long rollers and extensions for them if you're painting the ceiling.

6) Paintbrush - Have at least one medium sized paint brush for touch ups and small crevices.

Now get to work and let me see some paint!

This weekend I'm painting my hallway a sexy deep fucking red color from Ralph Lauren. He's my pick for the best quality paint in fabulous colors.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/25/10: Beat The Flood

So you have insurance for your house right? It will protect you against fires right? It will protect you against floods right? WRONG! Most homeowner insurance policies do NOT protect against floods! To all my sexy eduKaytees in the CA burn areas, I know you have learned this lesson the hard way!

The fact is this: no matter where you live, you are at risk for floods. Mother Nature is one mean fucking bitch and she doesn't hold anything back anymore. With global warming and level 5 hurricanes named after me, you never know what to expect. So be fucking prepared.

Call your insurance agent about flood insurance and earthquake insurance if you haven't already done so. Ask about multi-line discounts like at Statefarm the more insurance policies you have with them, the more discounts you get! They're my personal favorite.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/24/10: Rubbermaid That Shit

Have a garage? Have a garage filled with shit? Have a garage filled with shit but you wish you could park your car in it? Well now you fucking can! Let's organize your garage! Go out and buy some rubbermaid containers. They have these at hardware stores or target or walmart. Grab the heavy plastic ones that have lids and get a bunch of them. You have more shit than you realize, trust me.

Don't forget to utilize your ceiling space! Get some sturdy shelves and hang them up! Put your bins on there and you'll be in good fucking shape! Now pull your car in, close the door, and toast to your new garage!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/23/10: Fire Escape Ladder

Do you have a plan if your house catches on fire? Of course you don't, cause "it won't happen to you"! Well it FUCKING MIGHT! All multi-level homes should have a fire escape ladder. And if you have a single story home, you better have a map of the best ways to get the fuck out quick.

Especially if you have small children, make sure they know what the fuck is going on and how to use the fire escape ladder. And when you go to buy a ladder, only buy the ones that are "tangle free". Last thing you want is that bitch getting all tangled up while your room is on fire!

Have a plan, have a ladder, get the fuck out. Do it for Smokey. Do it for you.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/22/10: Light It Up

Now that your outdoor area is looking sexier than hell, let's install some fucking lights so you can show it off! You can grab some motion detector lights or some simple flood lights for under $30! I'd recommend the motion detecting lights so if someone comes looking for your benjamins, you can SPOT THEM and call the fucking cops. There's a mark down on Heath Zenith motion detecting lights right now at home depot! And don't forget to grab some solar powered lights for your fucking walkway!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Project of the Weekend 3/19/10: Reclaim Your Space!

Countdown to SPRING: 1 DAY!!!

This weekend reclaim your outdoor area! It's fucking yours, isn't it?! Use this time to get your shit in order. There's nothing better than relaxing in a yard or garden or on a balcony knowing you made it fabulous.

1) Take care of your lawn mower and MOW.

2) Kill the weeds, John Goodman style.

3) Grab some sexy plants and start planting.

4) Go pick up some new patio furniture and a grill. Throw in some tiki torches or an outdoor string of lights while you're at it.

5) Fire up the grill, sip a cocktail, and fucking relax! SPRING IS HERE!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/18/10: Take A Seat

Countdown to SPRING: 2 DAYS!

Spring will be here on Saturday and once you have your outdoor space looking sexy, where are you gonna fucking sit?! In some new patio furniture, that's where! Get your ass down to home depot, lowes, or your local hardware store and clinch a killer deal on some outdoor furniture! Now is the time to BUY! Slap those benjamins down on the counter and don't look back!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/17/10: Weed It Out

Countdown to SPRING: 3 DAYS!

Now that you've fixed your lawnmower and your lawn is looking sexy, don't forget to take care of the fucking weeds! Those bastards will creep up in the cracks of your driveway, in your flower beds, in the middle of your lawn---just about everywhere except in that rolled up joint you've been thinking of!

Get down to the corner store and grab some weed killer spray. Use caution when spraying this near flowers cause you don't want them to start choking!

Consider yourself weed-free and eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/16/10: Show Me Your Grill

Countdown to SPRING: 4 DAYS!

Remember when you used to sit outside with friends and have some juicy burgers and hot dogs from the grill? Well snap the fuck out of it and LET'S DO IT! Now is the time to get ready for spring by buying a sexy grill! All the stores are selling these fuckers on discount because they want your benjamins! So if you have a few to give away, do it TODAY! Then let me know when your party is cause I'm crashing that fucker.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/15/10: Seed, Soil, and SAVOR!

Countdown to SPRING: 5 DAYS!

Sick and fucking tired of paying those high prices at the grocery store? Trying to eat healthy on a fucking homeless person's budget? Well, start growing your own fruits and veggies! You don't need a huge backyard to have a sexy garden. As long as you get sun and are responsible enough to water your plants, you can fucking do this! Mosey on down to your local lowe's or home depot and grab some pots, soil, and seeds! Try tomatoes, strawberries, or your own fucking HERBS! Make sure you read the labels carefully to provide the plant with enough light and water. Add in some miracle grow for LARGER THAN LIFE fruits and veggies!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Weekend 3/12/10: Better Than Your Dad

Disregard the "Dad" in the birthday cake photo because let's face it: I'm better than your dad. And besides, it's MY fucking birthday! Tomorrow is the big day so I'll be celebrating all weekend. Make sure you do the same and raise your glass to the best eduKaytor you know!

Drink responsibly and consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/10/10: H2-Oh shit!

Are you still drinking water from the fucking kitchen sink? Well, knock it off! There are some places where the public drinking water is ok (NYC) but LA is not one of them. And if you have your own well water, you better get that shit tested before you start sipping. You can get a water testing kit anywhere from Target to Home Depot and I suggest you do. In the meantime, go out and get yourself a sexy brita or pur water filter. You'll sleep a lot better at night knowing that glass of water on your nightstand isn't filled with chemicals and bacteria.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/9/10: Get That Mower Ready!

Spring is right around the corner... I know you're ready for it, but is your fucking lawn mower ready?! Now is the perfect time to get your lawn mower serviced or at least check it out for yourself. Are the belts ok? Are the blades functioning properly? Do you need extra fuel? Also make sure your weed whacker and other spring tools are fucking ready to go! Cause when spring comes you have to be ready to retire that snow blower and grab your riding mower!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/8/10: Happy IWD!

Happy International Women's Day, you fucking whores! Back in 1911 this glorious day was started and reserved for all of us hard working, sexy chicks. Please take full advantage of this day and tackle a home improvement project!

Click over to http://www.funnyordie.com/edukayt and watch, learn, and do it your-fucking-self!!! Install a doorknob, smoke detector, thermostat, shower head or whatever else you want! Don't wait for some guy to come over and help you!

You can do it... I can help.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Project of the Weekend 3/5/10: Craigslist It!

Welcome to eduKayt's Project of the Weekend! This weekend, get your ass online and find a sexy, preferably antique, battered and therefore CHEAP piece of furniture! Skip the crowd at IKEA and buy something super cheap that you can make YOURS. Whether it's a table, dresser, or headboard, here's what you can do to make it SEXY!

1) Bring it home and clean it up. Make sure all the fucking dust mites and shit is off it.

2) Decide what your vision is for the piece. Mainly decide about stain (if it's wood) or paint.

3) Run down to your hardware store and grab some sand paper and wood stain/paint.

4) Prepare your work area with shit loads of newspaper and do this outside. If you can't work outside, make sure you're in a well ventilated area or you'll start hacking and shit.

5) Sand out the rough spots and apply necessary coats of stain/paint to the furniture.

6) Open up a brewski and watch it dry!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/4/10: Dip It!

When is the last time you cleaned your fucking coffee maker? EXACTLY. Run down to the grocery store and grab some "dip it". This shit is so easy to use and it will leave your coffee maker sparkling clean! You should use this once a month or before you know it, you'll be drinking coffee and calcium and lime build up. And that is fucking gross. Also if you have a fancy coffee maker that comes with a filter, make sure you change that every 60 days for freshness.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/3/10: The Buddy System

Hey ladies (and boys), planning on going for a jog later? Well listen up to these jogging tips:

1) I don't care if you live in the fucking middle of nowhere or if you live in Beverly Hills. Always go out with a BUDDY. Your mom told you this when you were little, and I'm telling you this now. Women joggers in particular are easy prey for fucking crazy dicks out there.

2) Never go out sans your cell phone.

3) Don't go running late at night or in areas where you don't see a lot of people.

4) Slap on some running pants with pockets and carry some MACE with you at all times.

5) Always be aware of your surroundings and if your goddamn instincts say "get the fuck out of here" then GO.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 3/2/10: AAA

You never know when you might have a flat tire or run out of gas, but if you're a AAA member, you won't fucking care when it happens! You can pay a low (and I mean apple bottom jeans low) membership fee for a whole year's worth of help! Let AAA be your personal bitch! If you run out of gas, need a tow, need a battery jump... you name it, AAA will be there. They not only help you (the bad ass driver), but they will also come to the rescue even if you're just the passenger!

Consider yourself eduKayted.