eduKayt's Project of the Weekend 4/30/10: Arbor This

Happy Fucking Arbor Day! The project this weekend is to go buy an arbor tree and plant it!

You will need a tree, soil, shovel, water, and some of those sexy gardening gloves. These trees aren't expensive so get your ass down to your local nursery and pick up a tree. Follow the instructions that come with the tree. It's so fucking easy though. Dig a hole, slap in the tree, fill it in with soil, and water it.

You can help save your mother NATURE and make your front yard look a hell of a lot better.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/29/10: Resolve This

Got a shit load of stains on your carpets? Don't go buying new carpet... RESOLVE IT! This is the only shit I trust. High. Traffic. Foam. It's the best fucking carpet stain remover out there. Don't waste your time or benjamins on other products. Resolve foam is fucking fabulous and you just cover the stain with it, wait 15 minutes, and vacuum that nasty shit up.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/28/10: Gas It Up

Next time you put gas in your car, don't be cheap about it. I know that's something I never fucking say, but I mean it this time. No matter what kind of car you have, you should fill her up with PREMIUM grade 91 about once a month depending on how often you drive. The more expensive gas burns hotter and this actually cleans out deposits left on your engine. So in the long run, I'm saving you a fucking trip to the mechanic.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/27/10: Insure It

Planning a big trip? Well it's time to think about some fucking travel insurance. Did you plan a trip to Europe a few weeks ago? And lose all your money because Iceland decided to explode? You wouldn't have lost that cash if you had travel insurance! If you're going away for the weekend, don't waste your benjamins on this jaunce. But if you're planning a huge trip costing thousands of benjamins or a honeymoon or some shit, you should insure it. It could be about 4-10% of the trip cost, but it's worth it. Don't be left in the dust. Or in the volcano.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/26/10: Po Po Shut Us Down

Do you know where your house or building's gas shut off valve is? Didn't fucking think so! If there is an earthquake, besides getting your ass on the ground and under something and protecting your brains and all, the next thing you need to do is find the gas shut off valve. When buildings shift in a quake, a lot of times the gas line moves and you can have a gas leak on your hands. All you need is a wrench and you can turn the valve to OFF. If you have your own house, you should know where this is. And if you're in an apartment or condo building, you should ask your management company. Turning off the gas can prevent explosions. Your building might not collapse, but if there is a leak, it can still fucking blow up!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/22/10: Happy Fucking Earth Day!

Happy Fucking Earth Day, sluts! Let's all give it up to you eduKaytees who have changed out your energy-sucking light bulbs for the energy efficient ones! You are making a fucking difference! And let's give mad props to Greensburg, Kansas. In 2007, an F5 tornado wiped out most of the town. For those of you who aren't familiar with TWISTER, that is one huge fucking swirl of wind. When they were ready to rebuild, they decided to do it GREEN. Most of the town is now GREEN and energy efficient. We could all learn something from Greensburg and check out their blog at http://www.greensburggreentown.org/. Let them inspire you to add solar panels to your roof and start buying eco-friendly shit.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/21/10: Light It Up

The heavens opened up and eduKayt said, "Let there be light, bitches!" Happy fucking earth week. Let's continue the trend by installing some solar outdoor lights! Fuck light bulbs and electricity. Let's go back to the basics with the amish and grab some solar stake lights. Mother nature uses us enough, so let's return the favor and use the shit out of the sun. Solar outdoor lights are available at your local hardware store and they are an energy efficient way to light up your path or walkway along your fucking white picket fence.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/20/10: Inhale This

In honor of earth week, let's go green from our plant soil to our fucking cleaning products. You have no fucking clue how many toxins are in your household cleaners and detergents. I'm here to clue you in. So put down that green joint for one second and listen up. There are a shitload of different lines of products that specialize in organic and eco-friendly cleaning products. Seventh generation is my personal favorite. This shit is a little more expensive, so normally I would say fuck it. But shelling out a few extra green benjamins so you don't spread toxins all over your house is a damn good thing.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/19/10: Soil This

Apparently it's fucking Earth Day this week. So let's talk all about mother nature and how we can jerk her off a little while making this planet a better fucking place. Let's start with some planting! Not all soil is created equal. Miracle Gro (my personal favorite) now makes organic soil. This is better for the environment and better for you and all your future generations and shit. So get your ass down to home depot and grab some Miracle Gro Organic Soil because this week in the LA area, it's nearly $2 off!! That's good for mother nature and your benjamins!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/15/10: Pay Uncle Sam

Today is the big day: TAX DAY. Make sure you get all your paperwork together and you get your fucking ass down to h&r block or the nearest accountant or online to download turbo tax, so you get your taxes mailed in time! The deadline is today so everything needs to be postmarked by TODAY. And send in your paperwork via CERTIFIED MAIL. I don't trust uncle sam to really be sure he received it and you shouldn't either.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/14/10: Fasten That Shit

If you're sick of my earthquake posts, go fuck yourself cause this shit is serious. In 2010 already we have had 70 quakes in SoCal compared to 30 in 2009 and 29 in 2008. What the fuck is going on?

Well it's time to get prepared and stop thinking the big one isn't on its way. Go down to your local hardware store and grab some furniture fasteners. I know you have tons of bookshelves or armoires or other tall, heavy shit that is up against the wall. Well when the ground starts shaking, that piece could come tumbling down and kick your ass in the process. All you do is line up the strap behind the furniture and secure the one end to the furniture and the other end to the wall. There are also smaller fasteners for heavy items like pottery or knick knacks.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Project of the Weekend 4/9/10: Antiques

This weekend the weather will be gorgeous, so get your ass outside and do some fucking shopping! Why go to IKEA or target for your furniture when you can buy a sexy ANTIQUE?! Google where your local antique stores are and check them out.

"But eduKayt, antiques are so expensive," you say.
"Fuck off, no they're not!" I exclaim.

Let's remember we're in a recession. So if you find a piece that you really like, TALK THEM DOWN. Offer less, flash a smile (or whatever else you got) and you might get a discount. And after all that flashing, if you still can't afford antiques, check out the next best thing: stores that sell furniture to LOOK like antiques. This is some quality shit that will look fabulous for even less benjamins.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/8/10: Go Get Pergo

Looking for a sexy hardwood floor that won't burn holes in your benjamins? Look no further than PERGO! It is now on sale at Lowe's until 4/19! 15% off! If you have been putting off the hardwood floor job, get it done now and save money doing it! Pergo is so fucking easy. The pieces of "wood" snap together and you can make your own floor in minutes. You can even lay it over existing tile or hardwood!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/7/10: Refurbish Your Wallet

In the market for a pricey new laptop or ipod or stereo system? Get a fucking refurbished one! Check the manufacturer's website and browse around for the SALE section. Sometimes those fuckers tuck that section away but I know you can find it. Refurbished doesn't mean it's from fucking craigslist, it just means it was returned. And then the company takes it through RIGOROUS tests and makes sure it is 100% fabulous before reselling it at a DISCOUNTED PRICE! You can save at least a couple hundred benjamins by selecting a refurbished model instead of a brand spankin new one.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/6/10: Clean Your Desk

When was the last time you cleaned the desk in your office? Exactly. Do you know how many fucking germs are breeding on your office phone, desk, mouse, and keyboard? Millions. Get your ass to the supply room and grab some disinfectant and start spraying the shit out of everything. Haven't been able to fight that spring cold? That's because you keep touching the germs EVERY SINGLE DAY. And it's fucking nasty.

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/5/10: Who's The Ham?

What are you going to do with all that leftover Easter ham? Fucking eat it! Listen sluts, we're still in a recession... I don't care what anyone says. When you make a meal, you better eat all of it. This is like "use every part of the buffalo" native american times.

If you have leftover ham, make ham sandwiches! Cut a slice and spread some mustard on your choice of bread and you're good to fucking go! And while you're at it, make some meals that will last you the whole week! Stop ordering pizza and chinese food cause that shit will kill you. Make some whole grain pasta and lean ground meat with sauce and keep it refrigerated. Make a few boxes of pasta and this will be your dinner all week! Pasta dishes work well as leftovers cause they heat up nicely. Sprinkle some parmesan and presto pesto you're ready to eat!

Consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Project of the Weekend 4/2/10: Pots & Plants

Happy fucking easter! This weekend we will be planting some flowers in your sexy outdoor space! Whether you have a huge yard or just a balcony, you can add some flowers to jazz it up.

1) Before you go shopping for plants, know how much sunlight your outdoor area gets. For example, if you get no direct sunlight, don't go buying roses! Impatiens are great for shady spaces.

2) Get down to your local store and buy some pots, soil, and flowers.

3) For HUGE flowers, throw in some miracle grow. As I always say, go big or go home.

4) For all you delicate flowers, grab some gardening gloves so you don't fuck up your manicure.

5) Pick up a garden spade and start digging.

6) Follow the directions for your particular flower and make sure you dig enough space.

7) Put the plant in and fill the hole with the leftover soil.

8) Water once a day or according to directions. Some flowers need less, some more.

Throw in some easter lilies and consider yourself eduKayted.

eduKayt's Tip of the Day 4/1/10: Raid The Fool

Happy fucking April Fool's Day! In honor of today, don't let bugs have the last laugh. For those random UNinvited house guests (no, not alanis morissette), make sure you have a can of RAID on hand. My recommendation is RAID Ant & Roach spray. This shit kills spiders too! They also make flea, fly, mosquito, wasp and hornet sprays! Raid doesn't fuck around. Don't waste your money on those other brands.

And don't go all "I don't want to kill bugs...I catch them and put them outside" on me cause that's bullshit.

When the black widows attack, fight back.

Consider yourself eduKayted.